


In Which Angel Has a Normal Day

by Khashana



Series: The Guests at the Wedding of River Song [2]
Category: Angel: the Series, Battlestar Galactica (2003), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Doctor Who (2005), Sherlock (TV), Torchwood, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Coats, Crack, Crack Crossover, F/M, Homoeroticism, Office, Snark, Tall Dark and Brooding, Technobabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-08 23:44:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khashana/pseuds/Khashana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>READ SERIES DESCRIPTION FIRST. In which Angel is just trying to manage the office. He doesn't need mutants on the roof, time travelers in the waiting room, and a high-functioning sociopath of a consultant to make things more complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Angel Has a Normal Day

**Author's Note:**

> Read the series description first. I promise this will make no sense without it.  
> A/N: Bit more description this time, for those not BtVS/A acquainted.  
> Warnings: Kind of spoiler-y for final season of Angel, but if you just assume everything happening is due to collapsing reality, you won't know which is actually part of Season 5.  
> Main Fandoms: Angel, Doctor Who, Torchwood  
> Making a Guest Appearance: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, X-Men, Sherlock, Battlestar Galactica

A man walked through the corridors of a building. The inside of the building was mostly white, with a lot of open space, and gave the impression of trying to appear much more innocent than it really was. The man had pale skin, unkempt hair, and a swoopy black leather duster, and gave the impression of having "tall, dark, and brooding" down to an art form.  
The building was, technically, a law firm, and the man's name, not so technically, was Angel.  
Angel approached a young, blonde woman at a reception desk, who gave the impression of an overexcited poodle. The young woman's name was Harmony, and she, like Angel, was a vampire.  
"Harmony! What's happened since yesterday?"  
Harmony stepped out from behind the desk and hurried to follow Angel.  
"Nothing much, really. Willow stopped by."  
"Willow was here?"  
"Well, not here, so much as on the roof. There was this other chick with wild blowy hair and this really blank expression and telekinesis, and a guy with hair worse than yours and claws, who kept calling her Jean, but Andrew was here with Willow, and he called her Dark Phoenix."  
"Andrew, too? Is he gone, yet?"  
"Yeah, they left a couple hours ago. Anyway, Wil and this Phoenix lady were battling it out on the roof, but Willow won and they left as soon as they got the claw guy to stop staring forlornly down at Phoenix's body. I mean, what is it with you dark broody guys and staring forlornly at people?"  
"Focus, Harmony."  
"Right. And there's been a rash of tally marks, so watch out for those, and a whole bunch of people with eyepatches want to see you as soon as possible."  
"Pirates?"  
"No, another couple of redheads. We seem to be having a rash of them, too, what with Willow and Phoenix."  
"What about the tally marks?"  
"Oh, they just randomly show up on people's arms and faces, and nobody knows how they're getting there. But Fred ran some tests and they don't seem to be doing anything."  
"Okay. Any word from King Tut?"  
"He promises to stop eating people if we give him a llama."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah. So I had the contract made up and it's waiting on your desk. I figured it was safe to assume that you'd find him a llama." There was a pause, and Harmony said nervously, "Unless you think that's too much of a concession? Should I negotiate for an alpaca?"  
"No, no, llama's fine. Willow leave anything besides more bodies?"  
"She wanted to know if we'd heard from Lafayette or Bourgoine."  
"And did you tell her?"  
"I said we were still waiting to negotiate with Darwin."  
"Good. Has the sociopath genius seen sense yet?"  
"No, but Torchwood has, and Buffy's offered to threaten him with a stake if he doesn't cooperate."  
Angel smiled. They had reached his office.  
"If that's all…"  
"Yep! Couple packages and letters; I left them on your desk."  
"Give me an hour, and send the eyepatch people in."  
"Yes, sir!" Harmony saluted enthusiastically but badly, and left Angel alone. He sifted through the mail, sent one letter to Runes for opening instructions, laid several crosses (carefully handled with gloves) on top of another, and disposed of the rest. He checked a magical feed. A teenage boy was sitting in his room, apparently having an intense conversation with a small child. Angel pressed the buzzer.  
"Harmony, who's talking to Connor?"  
"Her name's Hera; apparently she's an impossible child, too."  
"Ah. Why?"  
"Half robot."  
"Hm. That's new. Did you get Fred on it?"  
"No, she seems harmless."  
"So do you."  
"Hey! But point taken. Shall I message her, or do you want to do it?"  
"Message her, please. And can you call Torchwood and patch it through to my line?"  
"Yes, sir."  
A moment later, his phone buzzed and he picked it up.  
"Torchwood, Buffy Summers speaking," said the woman on the other end.  
"Hi, it's me," he said. "Just wanted to check in. And let you know I can do my own threatening."  
"I know, Mr. Pointy Teeth. Just thought I'd do you a favor. See if I ever do it again."  
"How's the Rift?"  
"Fluctuating. Nothing we can't handle."  
"Okay. Say hi to Jack for me."  
"Will not. You and Jack are even worse than you and Spike."  
In the background, he heard a male voice calling, "Who's on the line?"  
"Angel," Buffy called back.  
"Excellent. Tell him I'm on my way over."  
"Why?" Buffy whined.  
"Business. You keep an eye on Ianto, I'll keep an eye on Angel."  
"That's different. Ianto couldn't be less interested in me."  
"I don't think you know Ianto as well as you think you do."  
"I object to this discussion of my personal life," came yet another voice, this one rather more Welsh than the others.  
"Gotta get back to work," said Buffy. "Owen's asking for a throttling."  
"I thought that was Jack's job?"  
"Ianto objected."  
"Okay. Bye."  
"Bye."  
A few minutes later, Jack strode into the office without knocking, followed by two men who looked startlingly similar, though one's hair was brown and the other's blonde, and while one wore a long black coat, the other wore a red jacket.  
"Jack," Angel said in greeting. "Spike. And you are?"  
"Captain John Hart. This one's pretty, Jack."  
"Hands off," ordered Spike.  
"Ooh, someone's touchy," teased John.  
"Did you want something?" asked Angel.  
Just then, a man with brown hair sticking up everywhere, dressed in a suit, Converse, and a long brown coat, burst in through the door, followed by a distressed Harmony.  
"You can't just walk in, you need an appointment! I need your name, species, home location, and reason for visit before I can give you a number."  
"Doctor, Time Lord, Time And Relative Dimension In Space, emergency. Now please go away, I need to talk to Angel, why have you all got to be psychically trained? I could have been done already."  
"You said all that already, the only part I understood was emergency. Doctor who?"  
"Emergency?" said everyone else in the room. Angel and Jack said it worriedly, while John and Spike said it hopefully.  
"Tally marks! Eye patches! Time's gone all wimey and I can't interfere because I'm already dead! I can't understand what I was thinking because it isn't me but still! My past wife's gone and refused to kill future me, which was a fixed point in time, so everything's disintegrated, and if we don't reverse the process right now, everything'll go blibbery!"  
"I rather doubt that's a scientific term I haven't heard of," said another man, pushing past Harmony rudely and causing her to yelp. This man was also pale, with dark hair and an excellent coat, but his hair was curly, his coat was wool, he wasn't a vampire, and he was followed closely by a small blonde man. "But considering the supernatural nature of my work, I'll make allowances."  
"Very generous of you, Sherlock," said the small blonde man.  
Harmony, having realized she would not understand a word anyone was saying, had turned her attention to the particular style of dress everyone in the room but her and the small blonde man seemed to have.  
"What is it with you men and your fancy coats? And almost all of the time, they're long sweepy coats!"  
"I know!" said the small blonde man.  
"What?" The Doctor looked temporarily lost for words. She gestured.  
"All you men and the coats! You've got to have a coat because you think it makes such an impression! There are so many other ways to make an impression. Like heels, or lipstick. Though, come to think of it, on you that would probably make the wrong impression."  
"You're right about that. And the coats," mused the small blonde man.  
"Depends on the time period and situation, for the lipstick," said Jack.  
"Look, what part of emergency don't you understand?" said the Doctor.  
"Well, you see, to them it just looks like a normal day at the office," said Harmony. "Now, Mr. Sociopath and Friend, will you go back to the waiting room quietly, or do I have to call security on you again? And you, Doctor, will you sit down and describe these relative dimensions of yours so I can finish your paperwork?"

**Author's Note:**

> I just love the idea that all of this is totally normal for Angel. Now I understand why Harmony spent so much time on the show! Despite being annoying, she's very fun to write. I'm particularly fond of the way she emphasizes Jean Grey's hair and expression over the small matter of her telekinesis. And I had to bring in something about the way every show I watch seems to have men with long sweepy coats. I forgot about Sherlock at first, so I hope he doesn't seem too forced.


End file.
